As featured on PuckerMob.
Sisters before misters. Chicks before dicks. Uteruses before duderouses. You’ve heard them all: the pro-girl, anti-guy, yay-for-my-best-girlfriend chants. And as a female, you know it’s true. Those girls will always have your back when the supposed boy of your dreams cheats on you with the soon-to-be-prom-queen or when the ‘man’ you thought you were moving in with turns out to be a bigger pig then your eighty pound golden retriever post party in the muddy backyard.
Having a best girlfriend is essential for survival as a woman. You need someone you can get ready and go to Dollar Beer Night with. You need a shoulder to cry on post walk-of-shame or after bombing that kinesiology test you should have actually studied for. You need someone you can trust talking about everything from pimples and periods, to first dates and family feuds. And let’s be real here, a guy just isn’t going to make the cut. That’s what girlfriends were made for! The true soul mates. But what most girls don’t get, is that having a lesbian best friend is actually one of the best things that could ever happen to you.
# 1: First of all, a lesbian best friend won’t bullshit you when you look like absolute crap.
How many times have you stepped out of a mall dressing room wearing what you thought was the cutest cocktail dress and been reassured by your BFF: ‘Oh my gawddd you look hot!’ only to try it on later and realize that it actually squeezes your booty a little too much and shows off those gloriously stubborn love handles. Yep, me too.
Perks of having a lesbian best friend? None of that You look sooo adorable! Lol just kidding you look awful but I won’t tell you because I want to look better than you so I’ll let you wear that hideous lime green scarf with that burnt orange sweater and then all the guys will talk to me instead.
Nope. Your lesbian best friend will shoot you straight:
“Don’t wear that. It makes you look fat.”
“You should go with the blue jeans instead of those ratty sweats.”
“The other shirt looked better on you.”
Sure, you might get a little hit to the ego every once in a while, but it’s better to have a few dressing room tears then wear something that looks God awful and risk ruining encounters with your potential future husband.
#2: She’ll be the best personal advisor for your sex life…and probably your entire life in general.
First of all, she won’t judge you on your sexcapades. She doesn’t get with guys, so she’s not going to care about your weird man-hand fetish or how mustaches totally turn you on.
You can be totally frank with her—the good, bad, and the downright awkward, and she still won’t think you’re weird. Plus, since she’ll know every detail of your sex life anyways, she can come in clutch when your boy’s at a loss of how to get you in the mood. And if that isn’t enough, she’s the resident expert on girls, so she can even teach him a thing or two.
#3: Unsolicited, Genuine Compliments
Who doesn’t love a compliment? But wait. Flashback to last summer, you and your straight-as-a-pin best friend soaking up the sun at her backyard pool, coconut-smelling tanning oil glistening on your bronze tummies. She looks over at you, and tilts her sunglasses forward on her nose. “Wow, you look super skinny,” she says, and because you know she’s fishing for a compliment back, you smile and say, “Thanks, babe! So do you.” And then you both lay back and close your eyes in fake contentment.
With your lezzy BFF, it’s different. The compliments are genuine. She’s not looking for nice words back, she’s simply saying how she feels. And because she’s actually attracted to your sex, you know she means what she says when you’re frantically raiding your closet before your steak dinner date, every top you own tossed on your bed—that your hair is actually cute in a side ponytail, and those heels really do make your calf muscles look bad a$$. A built-in personal wardrobe consultant and mood-picker-upper.
#4: She won’t steal your boyfriend
Yep, there it is. The terribly sad truth about your straight girlfriends. But now you don’t have to worry about any of that sketchy crap! You can feel totally comfortable inviting your bestie to third wheel on a movie date without fear of her snuggling up on his shoulder during the scary parts. And you know she won’t be checking out his beach bod during your day at the water park.
She has your boy toy’s number? Nothing to worry about. They’re going to hang without you there? Don’t sweat it. They’ll probably spend the day talking sports or playing COD. And who better to take him shopping for gifts for you? She knows you better than anyone else and can give him some quality advice without lusting over him the entire time.
And #5: She’ll support your bicurious tendencies
Lezz be honest here. We’ve all had those moments when the tequila makes our eyes water and suddenly we’re holding our bestie’s face in our hands and announcing to the entire dinner table of friends and family members how much we love our her and how we should most definitely, without a doubt, be the maid of honor in her future wedding.
Then there’s the double-dog-dares: ‘You won’t kiss a girllllll!’ The tipsy best friend pecks in the middle of the jungle-themed college party. The Katy Perry ‘I Kissed a Girl’ song creeping in the back of our minds.
Let’s face it. We’ve all had our lesbian moments: Hmm…what would it actually be like to kiss her? Wow, she’s totally hot in that miniskirt. If I were I guy I would totally date her.
There’s not a better support system for the bicurious shenanigans than your lesbian bestie. She won’t judge your half-drunk girl-on-girl makeouts at the frat house. She won’t raise her eyebrows when you lust over the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show models. She loves and supports you no matter what. Just like you do for her.
And hey, if you ever decide to switch teams, well, you do have a perfect option right there.