Love has a funny way of bringing us exactly what we need.
Have you ever noticed that? Have you ever found that you’re more enticed by the person who is legitimately the exact opposite—the calm to your wild, the rebel to your peace, the steady to your adventurous, the loud to your soft?
Like yin and yang or two flip-sides of a coin, sometimes the person you fall for isn’t the one who easily mixes with your chemistry, or nods his/her head in agreement with everything you think.
Sometimes the person you love is the one who challenges you, who makes you think differently, who balances out the pieces of you to make an even larger whole.
I’ve been thinking about love a lot. I’ve been thinking about the way we find the best kind of love when a) we’re not looking, b) when we’re prioritizing ourselves instead of this ‘search.’ And then when we actually do stumble into love, it’s not about finding someone to save or rescue us, not about finding someone to make us feel ‘complete’ as if we were not whole to begin with, not about feeling ‘found’ as if we were lost.
Real love is about creating another whole in addition to the one your soul already embodies.
As individuals we’re not missing pieces, but we do have areas of ourselves that are less, or imperfect, or still trying to grow—and those are the areas that love comes in and fills.
And not in the sense that we were empty before, but that love balances. Love makes sense of the things we are less strong at, less comfortable with and gives us the ability to push forward, to change, to grow alongside someone else.
Love is the way we’re suddenly challenged to take on another role, to be a different person, to see the world in a way we’ve never seen.
Love is the way we find someone who appreciates all the things we hate in ourselves, and they teach us to accept and honor those things rather than see them as negatives.
We don’t really fall for the people who make sense (and honestly maybe this is a good thing because otherwise we’d be bored!); instead, we fall for the people who make us think, who make us feel, who make us believe in something greater than ourselves.
And perhaps that is what’s most important.
Love was never promised to be easy. It was meant to be complicated, and difficult, and passionate, and beautiful. We were never supposed to easily agree with our partners in every scenario. We were never intended to have simple, ho-hum connections that just barely got us through the day. No we weren’t meant to face abuse or anything unhealthy, but we were meant to grow, to shift, to change, to be in a continual state of moment.
And having someone by our side that balances, that challenges, that loves the things we hate in ourselves and in whom we discover different pieces of the world—that’s what relationships are all about.
So believe that one day you’ll find a person who accepts you for you, who understands the brokenness, the messy parts, the things you’re less ‘good’ at, and still thinks you’re more than enough.
One day you’ll find someone who smiles at the things you hate, who pushes you to become better, who inspires you to love yourself in a world that doesn’t always do a good job of smiling at the reflection in the bathroom mirror.
One day you’ll understand the way love isn’t easy, but a give and take, a challenge, a place to both learn and grow. One day you’ll find someone who values you for the person you’ve been, the person you are, and the person you are continually becoming. One day you’ll be whole, and yet even fuller with another person by your side. And what an adventure that will be.