Love languages, I’ll admit, are one of my favorite theories I still remember stumbling upon the concept years ago, wondering why the hell I hadn’t known about it before, and realizing how damn accurate they were, especially in terms of my own identity and relationship preferences.
When you consider love languages, and understanding not only what yours is—meaning the way you love—but also your partner’s love language, it transforms your relationships.
Suddenly you understand why you crave the things you crave, or why your partner seems to behave a certain way. You begin, then, to request more of what is meaningful for you, and return the same passion to your person, based upon what he or she specifically needs—a win-win for everyone.
Whether you’ve known what your love language is for years, or you’re just taking the quiz and learning where you fit, here’s a taste of your preferences (both good and bad) based upon your unique love identity.
Words Of Affirmation
If this is your love language, what means the most to you is words and verbal communication. You want to hear affirmations. You want to understand what your partner’s thoughts are. You crave deep conversation and intimacy in revealing parts of one another through talking.
What You Crave: Above all, you desire a partner who is open and emotional in the verbal sense. Being closed up or closed off is detrimental, as you will feel a sense of disconnect and distance from them when they don’t speak or share their mind.
You want someone who isn’t afraid to speak their truth, to make the first move, to talk to you about what’s going on in their head. You prefer someone who is more outgoing than shy, simply because you don’t want to pry any feelings from their heart—you want them to share without prompting.
Who You Sometimes Unintentionally Fall For: In searching for a person who is open and comfortable speaking and talking with you, you sometimes find yourself falling for people who are too big, too bold, or too loud. You start to slip into relationships where you take a back seat to your partner, and them taking the lead.
Unintentionally, you can get wrapped up in sweet talk or words that seem genuine, but are not backed by action. Or, even worse, you can fall for someone who uses their words as manipulation, putting themselves in a position of power and leaving you scrambling to find your voice.
Be cautious of someone who tries to quiet you, or uses their words to spin you in circles.
Love, for you, as a ‘Words Of Affirmation’ means you both desire, and deserve a person who will use their words to empower, love, and encourage you—never to break you down.
Acts Of Service
If this is your love language, someone’s selfless actions towards you is the way to your heart. You find it most powerful when someone is self-sacrificing, giving, or caring in terms of action, and doing things for you, or that you need without being asked.
What You Crave: What you long for, is a person who will see your needs as equal to his or her own—not in a submissive way—but be willing and able to think of you first at times, and to prioritize your needs as important, especially as your relationship grows.
Who You Sometimes Unintentionally Fall For: Because you crave someone who is dedicated and helpful, you sometimes unintentionally pursue people who play a subservient role, thus putting you in a place of constant power or even control. Though being catered to, at times, is a beautiful thing, when you fall for someone who lacks independence, or relies solely on you for direction, it becomes unhealthy and puts you on a toxic pedestal, instead of romantic equality.
As an ‘Acts of Service’ love language, you need to devote yourself to someone just as equally as you are doted on.
If this is you, you often have a bad rap. In truth, the ‘Receiving Gifts’ love language does not mean that you have the constant need to be showered in presents, but that you find joy and a true expression of love in giving to one another.
What You Crave: You are looking for a partner who values, in a healthy manner, the tangible as much as you do. Though you care about non-material things, like the gift of time or attention, you want someone who puts efforts (and monetary value, too) into your relationship. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Who You Sometimes Unintentionally Fall For: As you pursue relationships that honor your gift-giving love language, sometimes you unintentionally find yourself connecting with people that are too wrapped up in the material. At times, there is a fine line, and it’s hard to distinguish. But you must pay attention to the difference between someone who indulges in and celebrates the material things, and someone who is guided by them.
As a ‘Receiving Gifts’ love language, you must honor the healthy balance between give and take.
Above all else, you care about time. You are less concerned about what your person can give, but about how much of their time is devoted to you. To you, what matters more is about the hours in one another’s presence, not about where you go or even what you do. You treasure every moment, and never want dates or days to go to waste.
What You Crave: You crave someone who is driven, someone who is constantly busy and trying to grab the most out of life. You want someone who has a lust, a passion for the life he or she leads, and is ambitious, rather than lazy.
Who You Sometimes Unintentionally Fall For: In the pursuit of someone who values the same things as you, you sometimes find yourself falling for the person that, ironically, can’t give you any of their time. At first, you get wrapped up in their busy schedules, in the fact that they show you attention even when there’s thousands of other items on their list. You feel honored that they would set aside an hour etc. of their day for you, and you hold onto that, even as they slip away, prioritizing other things, all the while truthfully neglecting the relationship altogether.
Don’t lose yourself in the pursuit of someone’s time. As a ‘Quality Time’ love language, you must remember that when someone doesn’t make the time for you, they aren’t truly invested.
What’s important to you is the physical, intimate closeness between you and your special person. It’s not that you’re wrapped up in lust, but rather you care about proximity and togetherness—you desire touches, soft embraces, kisses, hand-holding, hugs, etc.
What You Crave: You want a person who isn’t afraid to kiss you in a room full of people, who will pull you to their body when you’re upset, and press their lips onto your forehead when they come home from work. You just want someone to understand and fulfill your desire to be craved.
Who You Sometimes Unintentionally Fall For: As you pursue this intimacy and closeness, you sometimes get wrapped up in relationships that are based in lust. Under the guise of passion, you get tangled up in messy connections and one-night stands, trying to create something permanent out of what’s temporary.
As a ‘Physical Touch’ love language, you must remember to guard your heart. Though there is nothing wrong with craving a physical closeness, you have to identify whether or not the intentions behind that closeness are pure—you are worthy of that.