I’ve spent an exorbitant amount of time the last few weeks worrying—about my living situation, about my relationship and the newfound changes to come, about my family and some things they’re going through right now, about one of my dear friend’s health, about my own personal life changes (in regard to my business, my future, etc.)—and in all these stresses and changes, I’ve continually disregarded one important thing:
I am not in control.
I wouldn’t consider myself a control freak by any means. To be honest, over the last few years I’ve become more and more comfortable accepting changes at they come. But that doesn’t make life easier, you know? I can understand that certain situations are out my hands, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t want to do all that I can to help, to fix, to make some sort of sense of what’s around me.
I don’t want every single thing to go my way. I don’t want to have all the answers. But I can acknowledge that when I do know the direction I’m heading, the next step I should take, I feel better. Don’t we all?
Sometimes I feel like I’m continually teaching myself the same lessons over and over. I’ll get stressed, remind myself to breathe, slow down, reset, and try to change my focus away from what I can’t control onto what I can (attitude, energy, next steps)…only to go through the same exact process again in a few days/months/minutes, etc.
It’s like I’m on repeat, like a hamster in a wheel spinning around and around and around but never really getting anywhere. Worry is unproductive like that. And yet, I fall victim to it so easily. We all do. We wonder about what could happen, we stress ourselves over potentials and possibilities. And we agonize over what we honestly can’t do a damn thing about.
At the end of the day, though, one thing that’s always amazed me is how everything falls right into place in the end. The answers come even when I don’t realize I’m searching for them. And God brings me people that I need, every single time I need them.
Just when a door slams in my face, another one bursts open. Just when things begin to fall apart, He shows me how easily new moments will fall together. I’ll be struggling with who I am, and in comes someone who helps me to see myself in a new light. I’ll be having a major conflict, and in walks a person who fills that emptiness within my heart.
God, in His time, simply takes care of all the things I dizzy myself over, and that’s so damn refreshing. It’s refreshing to realize that maybe I don’t really need to be in control at all—that’s not the point. The point is to live.
When I quit focusing so much of my attention and energy on what hasn’t happened, what’s coming, what’s next, I give myself room to focus on the present. I acknowledge that yes, I am imperfect, but not having the answers is okay.
When I stop trying to figure everything out, make sense of the path before me, arrange everything according to my personal plan, I release. When I re-center myself back on my goals, instead of falling captive to fear, doubt, stress, confusion, and unnecessary worry, I rest, knowing whatever happens will happen.
And no matter what, I will be okay.