I Am Yours, But I Am Always Mine First

I am yours. Your partner, your person. I am the hands that hold you, the chest where you rest your head. No matter what comes between us, I will be there. Regardless of the obstacles, the trials, and the pain that floods our path, I will stand beside you. I will hold you down. I am the one that you can lean on, the embrace that will comfort you until you fall asleep. My voice is on the other end of the telephone, saying the words that will bring you hope when you’re dizzy and afraid. I am the woman you can trust. I am the person who, no matter what, will be there.

But I will always be mine first.

This body will be mine. And what I choose to do, or adorn it with, will be my own decision. I will run until my legs get heavy and carve scripted lines of ink into my feet. I will dance, I will sing, I will wear dresses, and run barefoot, and put wine and your lips to my lips.

But I will choose to do these things when I want to, and because I want to you. You will always be my influence, my muse. But my body will always be my home.

This heart will be mine, too. And though I will love you fully, I will have other sections of my chest guided by selfish pursuits, by passions, and by my own fire. This life will be mine. And yes, I will absolutely share it with you. But I will also take these days and follow where they lead. I will not fight the journey, but go where the path takes me. I will keep you in mind in all my decisions, but you will not determine them for me.

Yet I won’t make you a powerless passenger. You’ll be the soul next to me in the driver’s seat—my life, our life—an adventure I’ll willingly share.

But I also promised myself that no matter what blossomed or broke between us, I would always be my own. I am yours, yes, but I am mine first.

When I said “I love you,” I meant those words. I promised my love like highways on a roadmap, spread before us to follow—deep, uncharted and free. When I kissed those words onto your mouth, I promised you my heart, my happiness.

But I also promised myself that no matter what blossomed or broke between us, I would always be my own. I am yours, yes, but I am mine first.

You can have my heart, but I’ll keep it, too. You can have the laughter that falls from my mouth, but you won’t be the only one that hears the sound. I will hand you my dreams, but also try to build new ones—our ones—with you by my side.

You can have and hold all the pieces of me, but I will never stop being who I am, simply because I am connected to you.

You will be an extension of me, and I, of you. But still our hearts beat to different rhythms, even when in sync. We will grow and intertwine like branches on a tree. But still, we will be watered by different rains.

Our lives will be separate from our life together, and yet inextricably combined.

And nothing of me—none of my individuality, my independence, my fire—will get in the way of what we build. But I will not lessen or lose parts of myself to love you.

 

 

Featured Image Credit: Sarah Sharp