I used to chase perfection, thinking that I would finally be a worthy person I had it all together, crossed all the items off my to-do list, had all the answers and did all the right things. I used to have this image in the forefront of my mind of who I wanted to be—strong, smart, beautiful, fearless—a list of impossibles that I would use as my self-definition.

But the more I chased these unreachable things, the more empty I’d become.

I used to think that being a ‘good person’ meant I had the world figured out, never hurt anyone or spoke out of turn. But life taught me a lot as I grew up, as I found my stubbornness, as I fell down, rose to my feet, and was challenged by both strangers and people I loved.

I realized this life is not about perfection, but about becoming the messy, beautiful being you are and sharing that person with the world.

And now, when I think about who I want to be and become, it’s not about riches or success; it’s not about flawlessness or togetherness one hundred percent of the time; it’s not about being the best, or having a life that’s forever shiny and grand.

My purpose is about finding joy, creating happiness, celebrating what this life is and has to offer, every single day I’m here.

I don’t want to be the greatest. I don’t want to hold myself to a standard I will never reach. And I don’t want to spend my days in endless comparison to pictures on social media or in magazines, thinking I’ll never measure up when I’m not meant to in the first place.

I don’t want to stress myself out thinking I have to be stretched so thin, or try to fill shoes that are far too big. I don’t want to obsess about what I’m doing, where I’m going, and what I know.

At the end of the day, I just want to trust in God and the universe, in my own two feet and pounding heart, in the path that I’m walking to lead me to who I’m supposed to become.

I just want to take the good parts of this life and enjoy them, and teach those around me to do the same.

Because honestly, it’s not about what we can gain, but what we can give. Not about the material possessions we own or riches we store up, but the ways we can bless one another and be content with where we are and what we have. It’s not about grabbing everything we can selfishly, but learning, letting go, growing, and finding moments to celebrate, even when the road gets tough.

So I don’t want to be someone else. I don’t want to be the best. I don’t want to always feel like I’m struggling, and never good enough. I’m not trying to waste time in pursuing what’s not meant for me, but instead I want to embrace all that I am and be joyful.

I want to be the person who celebrates life each day, who finds hope in the brokenness and light in the dark. I want to fill and be filled, to bless other people as I have been blessed. To be not focused on what the world can give to me, but what I can create and celebrate in the time that I’m here.

 

Featured Image Credit: Ieva Vizule
This piece was originally published on Thought Catalog.