Dear Women: He Won’t Break You Like The Last Man Did

Dear Women:

I know the way you feel. I know you’ve spent countless days just trying to quiet your mind, endless nights awake staring at the ceiling, wondering how, wondering why. I know you’ve beat yourself up, replaying moments over and over, questioning whether you were the one to blame. I know you’ve reached for your phone, dialed the number, and then hung up, afraid even to hear the sound of your own voice.

I know you’ve spent so long just trying to build yourself back, to erase the memory of the two of you, arm in arm. I know you’ve ached over the last image you have of him—his car headlights fading in the distance and you standing there, tears making a lump in your throat.

I know you’re broken, but I don’t know the whys, the hows, the answers. I don’t know whether you were innocent, or played a major role in what happened. I don’t know if you tried to fight back, or reluctantly watched as he made his exit from your heart. I don’t know how you’ve healed thus far, or if you’ve even been able to let go at all.

But I know that not every man will break you like the last one did. Continue reading

The Person You’re Most Attracted To (Based On Your Love Language)

Love languages, I’ll admit, are one of my favorite theories I still remember stumbling upon the concept years ago, wondering why the hell I hadn’t known about it before, and realizing how damn accurate they were, especially in terms of my own identity and relationship preferences.

When you consider love languages, and understanding not only what yours is—meaning the way you love—but also your partner’s love language, it transforms your relationships.

Suddenly you understand why you crave the things you crave, or why your partner seems to behave a certain way. You begin, then, to request more of what is meaningful for you, and return the same passion to your person, based upon what he or she specifically needs—a win-win for everyone.

Whether you’ve known what your love language is for years, or you’re just taking the quiz and learning where you fit, here’s a taste of your preferences (both good and bad) based upon your unique love identity. Continue reading

5 Signs You And Your Person Have A ‘Soul Friendship’

What is a ‘soul friendship’? A connection that goes far beyond the physical, even the emotional. A bond that is spiritual—two souls vibing and intertwining with one another in celebration, in understanding, in passion, in peace.

Whether you’re dating your best friend, found your forever person, or deeply connected to a BFF, family member, or other special human, here are 5 signs your relationship is actually a soul connection that should be treasured and fought for, no matter what. Continue reading

I Love The Way You Stay

I love the way you stay. The way you see me through my mistakes and masks, through the moments I try to hide and the times I unveil the messiest parts of me. I love the way you aren’t running at the first signs of trouble, aren’t already calculating your escape. I love the way you look at me, meet me right where I am and say, “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” And for the first time in my life, I believe those words. Continue reading

I Want Every Flaw And Piece That Makes You Human

When I look at you, I don’t wish to see perfection. I don’t long for a face without age lines, eyes that don’t tell a story. I don’t want a body that is chiseled and carved, every muscle flexed, not a hair out of place. I don’t wish for someone who never makes mistakes, who stands before me with poise and strength because I know I won’t always have that to match.

I’m not looking for a perfect person, a perfect love.

I want the man who stands before me with tired eyes and calloused hands. The one whose birthmarks and scars across his skin leave maps for me to trace back over, learning who he was. I want the man who has a story to tell, one of failures and wrong turns, but his just the same. I want a man whose hand I can hold and know, beyond a doubt, that his messy past has lead him here. And he wants to stay.

Simply, I want you. And everything that makes you human. Continue reading

7 Reasons Emotionally Intelligent Women Make The Best Lovers

1. They know how to use both their heart and their head.

Emotionally intelligent women aren’t the type to get wrapped up in lust, or hastily make a choice based on an in-the-moment connection or feeling. Instead, they use a combination of their heart and their mind—instincts, but also thinking things through.

When it comes to relationships, emotionally intelligent women are unafraid to pursue what feels right, but still assess their situation. Instead of holding their feelings back, they know how to express their emotions intentionally and logically, and when it comes to taking a chance, they jump in with a mix of both fearlessness and brains. Continue reading

What If There’s No Such Thing As A ‘Wrong Person’?

Romantic movies promise one grand love that will make you realize what went wrong all the other times. In that moment of bliss there will be laughter and ease, happily-ever-afters—even horse-drawn carriages for goodness sake! These images and story lines lead us to believe that there is one person out there searching for us, and that he or she is our Mr./Mrs. Right, making all the others who came before ‘wrong.’

But what if there is no wrong person?

What if every love is real, and valid, and not something you should apologize for? What if every heartbreak is, in fact, a beautiful lesson you had to learn in order to prepare you for the person you’re meant to spend forever with? What if you gave your heart away, and even though you were hurt, this moment was important for you to experience in order to become stronger, to fight for yourself?

What if the purpose of your heartbreak was healing?

We walk around believing that there is a soulmate out there, someone with whom our lives will fall into place. And while yes, that’s true, there is someone out there for us, we can’t search solely for perfection, and we can’t discredit ourselves for the people we’ve fallen into along the way.

There are no mistakes in love. Continue reading

Follow Both Your Heart And Head

Use your head. Follow your heart.

We talk about our bodies and minds as if they’re two separate things, as if these parts of ourselves are not entangled, not aligned.

We speak to ourselves as if we need to proceed with caution, as if, for some reason, it is impossible to exist in a space where we are led by both our logic and emotions, by both our brains and the muscles beating in our chests.

My heart and my mind are inexplicably connected, and yet, I always feel like my body is three steps behind my thoughts. There is a single touch, and before the sensation can flood through my entire being, I am already calculating, already trying to understand the way and the why behind each current of electricity in my veins.

For me, everything begins with the heart, with the pitter-patter, with the laugh that echoes from somewhere deep within, unconsciously, as if my body knows love before I can even process its existence.

But then, the mind comes, flooding me with images, with words, with lines of poetry I can hear, even in the silence. And that’s how I’ve always known—the feeling, then replaced by the words writing themselves effortlessly in my head. Love.

To me, it has always been a combination. Never just my heart, just my head. So why do we tell people to follow one or the other, as if it’s not possible to be wrapped up in both? Continue reading

Maybe Love Is Enough

“This just doesn’t make any sense,” he says. We’re sitting across from one another in a plastic set of table and chairs outside of a coffee shop. The California air is cloudy and damp. I pull the fabric of my romper tighter around my middle and resist the urge to lean over and take a sip of his coffee. I had told him I didn’t want any—to go back on my stubbornness would seem like a surrender, one I wasn’t quite ready to give.

I study the lines of his face—thirty-four today, but one could hardly tell, save for the gentle wrinkles around his eyes. I have the same ones, though slightly less worn, still prominent around my face. Sometimes I catch him looking at those lines in the bathroom mirror, drawing the corners of his cheeks into a frown. I wish he could see them the way I do—markers of his fatherhood, his story, his strength.

“I know…” I say, trailing off.

We’re talking about our future, about the places we’ll go and live. And I’m struck by the thought that figuring out our forever is so foolish. How can we know where we’ll go, who we’ll become? Why is it that we’re supposed to know, have it all planned? Why is it normal, expected, for people to understand how to navigate a road they’ve never even traveled? Continue reading

Pour Into People Who Pour Into You

There are some people you’ll meet in this life who will only love you temporarily. There are souls who will intertwine with yours for a moment, then unravel and wander away. There are friends who are not meant to stay forever. There are people who will only take and never give.

None of these impermanent people, or their eventual departures determine your worth.

But it hurts, oh it hurts when they leave. You give yourself away, only to end up empty. You put your time and energy into a relationship that only falls short. You love, only to be chastised for caring too much. You ache, only to be told you’re sensitive, emotional, or weak.

But there is nothing wrong with you. Continue reading