If You’re Going To Fall, Fall Hard

I don’t care what anyone says, life is too short to be afraid to feel.

I don’t know what’s been hardwired into my genetic makeup—blame the Pisces in me, blame the soft heart, blame the emotional parents who raised me—but I was born wanting to tie myself to someone else. I was born reaching out with open arms, trying to give myself to everything and everyone I touched. I was born believing that my purpose was to love and be loved. And though that isn’t wrong, I lost my way when I let my worth be dependent on who cared about me, or what relationship I was in.

I became so wrapped up in love that I forgot I was a whole person on my own, too.

But even though I’ve made quite a few mistakes (and haven’t we all?) something I keep coming back to is the simple fact that love is beautiful. And though we might give ourselves away to someone who doesn’t care for us the same way, or fall down and scrape our knees, or get our hearts broken, or be afraid to trust—at the end of the day—love is worth it. Every single time.

I’ve heard so many people say I should “feel less.” I’ve had well-meaning friends caution me about giving my heart away, or chasing after something that felt like love. I’ve listened to people talk about their broken hearts, how they’re so afraid of ever letting anyone that close again.

Love is hard. There’s no denying that. But closing yourself off is harder.

Being distant is harder. Pushing everything and everyone away out of fear is harder. Never letting yourself feel is harder.

I’ve fallen in love with someone who wasn’t right for me. I’ve watched the person I care about change his mind, turn his back. I’ve seen people I love crash and burn in the wake of a breakup, and have to fight like hell just to get back to themselves. I’ve seen the devastation of divorce, the ache of loss when two people no longer see eye-to-eye. I know, and I’ve witnessed, time and time again, that every time we get into a relationship we take a risk.

But at the end of the day, isn’t love worth that risk?

Human nature is falling into people, is longing to be closer, is finding a way to connect with the beating hearts around us. We desire to be understood, to be cared about, to have someone to hold. At the end of the day, sure, it’s scary. But would we rather live our lives wondering what could have been?