Today I am struck by the sounds—my neighbor coughing, the quiet melody of a song played in the courtyard, an airplane overhead, the rustling of leaves through the trees. In moments like this, where I am powerless to the universe, I can’t help but take note of all the small things I so often overlook.
It’s unfortunate, really, that we don’t notice the way the earth breathes and moves until we’re faced with the realization that one day, even we won’t do those things.
Oh how temporary this all is.
Today, in a hospital across the world, a family friend is fighting for each breath. She is surrounded by incredible coworkers, family and friends. She has been covered with prayer from many different countries. She has been given so much hope and love. And still, she fights.
And in moments like this, I try to wrap my head around God’s purpose, His plan. I know that death and pain are not His will. And yet, I struggle with the ‘why?’ I struggle with the ‘why now?’ I struggle with the ‘why so soon, so sudden?’ I struggle with the purpose—why would he take a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend? Why would he leave a son to graduate without his mom’s loving embrace? Why would he allow a father with a heart condition to have to try to survive on his own?
God doesn’t leave us. I know that. I know He doesn’t abandon us. I know that His will is not to watch us be broken and alone. I know He stands beside us while we fight the evil of this world, and then follows us through, whatever outcome.
But why is pain so real, so present?
I don’t know. I don’t know. And maybe that’s all there is to understand about these sort of situations—that there is no answer. All we can do is trust that God is here, that He cares, that He’s listening, that He loves. Continue reading