What is it about danger that attracts so many women? Why is it that so many of us, even though we don’t want to admit it (and probably won’t), want to date the bad boy? Why do we continually fall for those who have the potential to hurt us?
I think, in a way, it’s about the challenge. We like a guy who makes us think, who keeps us on our feet, who isn’t afraid to stand up to us or tell us when we’re wrong. We want to be with the kind of man who’s strong enough to push back against our most stubborn perspectives, to fight fiercely with us when we don’t agree.
Maybe it’s that we firmly believe the best types of relationships are with people who don’t always toe the line or think within the norm. Maybe we want to be with someone who has a past, who’s made mistakes—because that makes them more human, after all.
We want someone with an opinion. A backbone. A fearless attitude. Confidence. And, maybe, if we’re being honest with ourselves, a pinch of cockiness, too. Because that’s just sexy.
When it comes to love, we want a person who isn’t going to ho-hum through life, but ignites a fire within us. Someone who will make us emotional, make us feel something. Give us a challenge. And maybe, just maybe, leave us wanting more.
See, I don’t think that being with the bad boy is really that wrong. (If we’re in it for the right reasons.) Dating someone the world sees as ‘bad’ shouldn’t be about trying to be the fixer, about trying to prove anyone wrong, or about loving someone who you know is bad for you.
If you’re going to date the bad boy, it should be because this person stirs something inside you that you just can’t ignore.
It should be because you can’t imagine life without this person who has pushed the boundaries and teaches you to do the same. The person who has made you question all of life’s ‘rules’ and shown you that you can become whoever you desire to be, unapologetically.
If you’re going to date the bad boy, it should be because life’s too short, and above all else, you want to feel something, experience something passionate and real.
At the end of the day, love isn’t supposed to be mediocre. We’re not supposed to have simple or easy relationships, or fall for people who are stoic and unemotional. We’re not supposed to be in love with people who don’t make us feel.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should fall for the person who is clearly unstable, has additions or major life issues, or who is abusive (emotionally or physically). I also recognize that sometimes you can’t control the way relationships fall into these patterns, and how hard it is to escape.
But that’s not what I mean when I say I understand the attraction around the ‘bad boy’ stereotype.
Right now, I’m speaking to the women like me who have dated their fair share of imperfect men. Who felt they had to rationalize their decisions because they were afraid of how they would be perceived by people who judged another by the external shell, rather than the heart underneath.
There are good men out there, men who don’t look picture-perfect or ‘nice’ the way the world hopes for them to be. There are men with difficult pasts and challenges, men who don’t always have it together (but neither do we). And if you find yourself entangled with someone who fits that mold, but makes you really believe in love—perhaps hold onto him.
Because love should be anything but boring. Love should make us feel alive.
Featured Image Credit: Nathan McBride