Romantic movies promise one grand love that will make you realize what went wrong all the other times. In that moment of bliss there will be laughter and ease, happily-ever-afters—even horse-drawn carriages for goodness sake! These images and story lines lead us to believe that there is one person out there searching for us, and that he or she is our Mr./Mrs. Right, making all the others who came before ‘wrong.’
But what if there is no wrong person?
What if every love is real, and valid, and not something you should apologize for? What if every heartbreak is, in fact, a beautiful lesson you had to learn in order to prepare you for the person you’re meant to spend forever with? And what if, even if you gave your heart away, and even though you were hurt, this moment was important for you to experience in order to become stronger, to fight for yourself?
What if the purpose of your heartbreak was healing?
We walk around believing that there is a soulmate out there, someone with whom our lives will fall into place. And while yes, that’s true, there is someone out there for us, we can’t search solely for perfection, and we can’t discredit ourselves for the people we’ve fallen into along the way.
There are no mistakes in love.
Every hand we held, all the lips we kissed meant something to us for a period of time. Each beat of our heart, every laugh that fell unconsciously from our mouths, all the moments we spent dreaming of forever—none of that ceases to have meaning, even after that person’s gone.
We loved, and that’s what matters in the end. Not the breakup, not the destruction, not even the pain. We gave ourselves to someone who felt right—we can’t beat ourselves up over that.
That person wasn’t ‘wrong,’ he or she was just wrong for us, wrong for the moment, wrong for the path in our lives we were walking along. That person was a temporary blessing, a lesson, a detour that will eventually lead us right where we were supposed to be.
There is no such thing as ‘wrong’ when it comes to love. (Save for abusive or toxic relationships, which we must gather all our strength to walk away from.)
But loving someone who ended up not being your forever does not make you foolish. Giving your heart to someone who couldn’t love you that fiercely in return does not make you weak. Being with someone who didn’t end staying does not make you unworthy.
There are no wrong people, just love that strengthens you, and gives you a greater understanding of who you are, and what you both desire and deserve.
Though the breakups sting and the ache is deep within your chest, each day you continue brings you closer to the person who will treasure your heart, hold it tenderly in his or her hands.
Hold out for that love. Pursue that love. Chase that kind of love—the love that not only burns wild inside you, but promises to stay. The love that is consistent, that doesn’t waver, that feels right beyond all you’ve ever experienced.
When we fall into someone, we can’t guarantee their permanence. Sometimes people leave, sometimes people quit, but neither of those circumstances determine our identity.
So we must stand strong in our pursuit of forever. We must know that at the end of the day, each relationship we fall into will only weave our story—a beautiful story we will eventually share with the one who promises to stay.
Do not see your failed relationships as failures. Each has built you, each has strengthened you, each has healed you and made you new. And the right person will see that, kiss each bruise, and show you what you’ve been missing all this time.
Featured Image Credit: Tim Mossholder
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Thank you for this yet again wonderful and heartfelt piece, Marisa. I am at the point in my life where I can relate to every word in this article. How they ring true. My heart still needs to accept certain truths but I know I’ll get there. Thank you for always being the voice in my heart. It’s like your words are my thoughts and feelings, only much more eloquently expressed. You are such a gift 💝 More power to you, your writing, your podcasts, and other creative pursuits. Continue letting your light shine 💖