God, there is so much that I don’t understand. There are so many moments where I close my eyes and it feels like breathing is a chore. I long to be closer to you. I long to sit back and give you the keys, to have you drive me down this winding road. I long to know what it is I’m supposed to be doing, or where this journey will take me.
But I know sometimes it’s not about me, or the answers I think I deserve. I know that to be a person of faith means that I lean into you, that I trust instead of doubt, that I slow down and give you space to work your truth and plan in my life.
But this is so hard, Father.
I have days where I am confident in your promises, where I am steady and secure on my two feet; I have days where listening to you sounds easy because I’m confident in the direction that I’m headed and feel as if what I desire is aligned with you.
But then there are days when I’m not sure. Days where suddenly nothing makes sense and I’m struggling to keep my head above water, desperate to know whether I’m going the right way, doing the correct thing.
And on these days I feel so damn lost, God. I feel like I’m crying out to nothingness, reaching for your hands and grabbing fistfuls of empty air.
I want to live a life that shines with you; I want to lean back and step into your truth without a doubt in my mind. I want to be happy, be satisfied even when I don’t get an answer I think I deserve. I want to love you, even when my world is falling apart.
But I need your help.
Father, please teach me how to trust. Teach me how to quiet my mind and listen for your truth, rather than fill my head with questions and insecurities. Tell me what I should do, how I should approach situations that are sensitive to me, or close to my heart.
Guide me in the direction I’m meant to be; surround me with the people that will build me, and that I will build in return. For every fear that crosses my mind, replace it with confidence. For every hesitation, give me strength.
Show me the way I should go, the path I should walk, and give me the power to do it without fear. Remind me that you are my Almighty God, and with you, there is nothing to be afraid of.
I do not know what lies ahead. I do not know the curves, the twists, the road blocks. I do not know the speedbumps, or places where I’ll have to get out, switch seats, stop for a while to rest or change a tire.
I don’t know who I will become or how the moments of this journey will change me. But I know that no matter where you lead me, I long to be closer to you.
So please give me the strength to be your disciple, your daughter, your servant. Help me to believe, even when I don’t have the answers, even when I can’t see the pavement ahead.
Father, this life is filled with uncertainty, but you are, and always will be the truth.
Remind me of who you are when I forget. Remind me of who I have the potential to be because I am yours. Remind me that there is no place on this earth that doesn’t shine with your light. Remind me that no matter what I face, I’m never alone.
Empower me to be yours, to follow you, even in the doubt.
Show me where to step, Father, and I will step.
Show me where to go, Father, and I will go.