Big Heart, Brokenness, Love & Relationships, Self-Love
Comments 2

This Breakup Is Not Your Identity

breakup is not your identity, girl looking down sitting on ground

I know exactly where you are right now, caught in the painful web of lies, distrust, anger, and fear. You’re stuck, rooted in place, terrified because for the first time you’re looking at the rest of your life without that person in it. Who are you without him, without her? This question leaves a resounding, lonely echo in your mind. You never thought you’d be here, never thought you’d watch the person you love walk away. You never thought that everything you poured into your relationship would crumble beneath you like dust.

You loved, and you loved hard. You gave this person your heart, your soul, your happiness. You interwove your life around theirs, did everything you could to make them stay. Maybe you foolishly changed yourself a time or two, so caught up in what you thought you two would be.

But now it’s over. And even reading those words re-breaks your heart all over again. How could this happen? Why me? These questions swim in your mind. You can’t focus, can’t listen, can’t regain your balance enough to take a step. You’re broken. And it feels like you’ll be this way forever.

But the truth is, you won’t. The truth is, you’re bruised, but not destroyed.

You have a shattered heart, but even the most fragmented pieces can be put back together. Even the deepest wounds can be bandaged. Even the heaviest aches can be soothed with tenderness and self-love.

Who you are is not defined by this relationship, by this breakup, by the pain you feel in your chest right now. Your identity is dependent upon someone else’s actions, someone else’s choice to walk away.

There is far more in this world that will tell your story—the laughter that falls from your lips, the words you write, the people you smile with, the work you create, the impact you leave every day as you choose to get out of bed. There are challenges you’ve overcome, obstacles you’ve fought through, lessons you’ve learned that have shaped your path far more than this heartbreak ever will.

You will rise from the ashes of this loss, brush your heart off, and begin again. You will find pieces of yourself in the clouds, in sunny days and in the air passing through your longs. One day, you will look back on this moment without the heaviness. You will smile because you’ve grown so much. And you will understand that though you once felt like you were drowning, you just had to keep swimming, to rise to the surface, to learn to breathe again.

There is more to life than this breakup.

There is more than sharp pains ripping through your chest. More than agonizing over everything you said or didn’t, wondering what could have been. There is more than spinning yourself in circles around someone who no longer wishes to dance with you.

Though it’s hard to hear right now, some things fall apart. And that’s okay.

Perhaps this wasn’t right, perhaps there’s something else, perhaps there’s something more waiting for you on the other side of this breakup—something you won’t quite realize or acknowledge until you’ve detached and learned to stand on your own. Perhaps you’ve been separated from your true purpose, true heart for too long.

Where you are right now is in the midst of agony. But this breakup is not, and will never be the sole plot line of your story. There are new roads to walk down, new people to love, new opportunities to take. There are new mistakes to be made, new joy to experience. And you will experience all of it.

Heartbreak is temporary, but your soul remains.

You are made of thousands of tiny moments, ones that have happened or are still to come. This breakup is a pebble on the road of your entire life—a significant and painful one, yes—but a pebble all the same. It won’t change the trajectory of where you’re going. It won’t alter the direction or change the pace.

Your heart will hurt, and it will hurt for a while. The breakup will teach you what you’re worthy of, what you must learn, and who you will always be—with or without someone by your side. And then, one day, the pain will leave you. The ache will subside, the tears will cease, and you will realize you’ve always been whole, always been okay, always been you.


Featured Image Credit: Riccardo Mion


  1. Pingback: 21 Ways You're Unconsciously Keeping Yourself From The Love You Deserve | Word & Sole

  2. Pingback: This Breakup Is Not Your Identity — Word & Sole – elunarcom

Share your thoughts!