Your parents are the ones who have been there for you from the beginning and all the way through. As their lives advance, it’s a full-circle moment to be caring for them as they’ve cared for you. But, with aging parents, it can sometimes be challenging to know how to best support them.
Finding a balance between not stepping in soon enough and stepping in too much, learning how to co-navigate this new season of life, and showing up for them in a way that honors their new phase (without hurting yourself in the process) are all very complex issues that come up as parents age.
Here are some suggestions to help you move through this time with kindness, advocacy, empathy, and grace.
Give Them Independence
First and foremost, you need to make sure that you are providing your aging parents with enough independence. While it’s important to give them the right support, it’s crucial that they don’t feel as though every aspect of their life is under the control of someone else.
Honestly, this boils down to finding the right balance, all the while understanding that as they get older they are going to need more support from you. As your parents age, they may still be able to (and want to!) handle aspects of their health, wellness, and self-care. Or, they might not and may even require a full-time caretaker.
And if the latter is the case, it’s okay.
Remember that you can only do so much, but don’t let fear keep you from involving yourself in your parents’ lives, especially as they get older.
Recognize Key Signs
It’s important that you become more aware in this season of life. Pay attention to your parents and notice the moments they are forgetful or put themselves in potentially dangerous situations. These can be warning signs of issues with memory and/or other cognitive abilities.
One of the most common signs of cognitive decline is issues with short-term memory. You might find that your loved one struggles to remember things that happened yesterday or even a few hours ago. At the same, it’s possible that their long-term memories become clearer, which can be strange.
Try to be patient and as non-judgemental as possible but don’t downplay the issue, either. Talk to trusted providers on your parents’ care team to get their feedback and ensure that safety is top-of-mind for all.
Help Them Socialize
Your aging parents need to have things to do. This will keep their minds active and allow them to experience emotions and experiences that they otherwise wouldn’t have if they were isolated.
Start by researching different clubs and activities in your area and see if there are any options your parents are interested in joining. This can allow them to meet with other people their age and have something in common. Other things you can do are set up regular ‘dates’ or phone calls with family members and/or grandkids, bring a pet or animal by, or have a trusted caregiver drop by occasionally for a check-in and/or coffee.
Prioritize The Right Care Team & Living Options
Choosing the right care for your aging parents is so important! This could include options like home care, live-in care, and a care facility (just to name a few). There is also the option for your parents to move in with you or another relative.
When exploring your options, keep your budget in mind as well as your parents’ opinions and/or needs. And remember, all places are different! Some facilities will be best for chronic pain, while others will focus on socialization and opportunities to stay active.
Bottom line: You’ll have to (a) consider your parents’ feelings and perspectives and (b) consider their limitations and strengths, too.
In a perfect world, the best choice is one that all can agree on.
Keep Them Active (Mind & Body)
It’s important that your aging parents stay active. Consider what might suit them best, which is primarily low-impact exercises like swimming or yoga. Yoga, for example, is beneficial for both the body and the mind, and it’s something that absolutely anyone can get involved with, regardless of their fitness levels.
In addition to physical workouts, your parents also need mental workouts! This could include simple (but effective) brain teasers such as crossword puzzles and even video games. Various studies have found that playing video games can potentially reduce the progression of conditions such as dementia.
Mental and physical exercise are important if you want to help your parents continue to live the life they want (and deserve).
Prepare For The Future
As your parents age, their lifestyle and accommodations will change also. This is why it’s important to think ahead about accessibility and start making changes to your (or your parents’) home as soon as possible.
Outside of changes to their everyday life, you also have to think about what’s next. While no one wants to think about the future when it comes to aging loved ones, it’s unfortunately necessary.
You may want to talk to siblings or other relatives about the process, the next steps, and what role(s) each person will play. If your parents are mentally coherent, you may want to talk about a wall, purchasing a gravestone or death date scrolls for grave markers, or their final wishes for a funeral, cremation, or otherwise.
This is incredibly hard, but managing things like this for your parents allows them to be less stressed and more focused on what matters most—enjoying the time they have left with their loved ones.
Featured Image Credit: Antoni Shkraba