There are thousands of articles on the internet telling us how to find ‘the one,’ what to look for in a ‘forever person,’ and ways to figure out if the people we are falling into are temporary or permanent. It seems like nowadays everyone’s a relationship guru, or at least has some advice to share (and hey, I’ll be the first to admit I’m guilty of this, too!)
It’s not wrong to share our hearts with one another, because honestly, opening up about the painful circumstances we’ve gone through can really change lives. But when there are so many voices, it’s hard to hear our own. When we’re pushed and pulled every which way, told to feel and behave and think a certain thing, and instructed to find a person who meets all the criteria on our list, the entire process of relationships and dating and love seems complicated.
In reality though, it’s fairly simple—we’re all just looking for someone who gets it.
The honest truth is that even though we’re all different, in the deepest part of our hearts, most inner fold of our minds, we are so very similar. And that’s not to say that we’re any less special than the person standing next to us, but it does mean we’re all looking to be loved and understood.
And the sooner we realize this, the less lonely we’ll be.
At different moments of our lives we’re searching for casual vs. committed, or lighthearted vs. long term, etc. but even when we’re not seeing eye-to-eye with a partner, we’re still looking for them to care about us; we’re still looking to share our part of the world with someone else. And this is beautiful.
We just need to learn and accept that love was never promised to be easy, that navigating the dating scene will bring challenges, but ultimately, we are deserving of a good partner and should strive to be one ourselves.
Because at the end of the day, no matter the struggles we’ve fought through, the trials we’ve overcome, the uniqueness that makes us who we are, the failures, the quirks, the fears—we’re all looking for the one person who understands us—the one person who looks at us and says, “I choose you.”
You’ll feel alone from time to time as you try to find them, as you watch people move in and out of your lives like they never cared in the first place. You’ll question yourself, question you identity, wonder if you’re even worthy of a relationship. But you are. You so are.
Just be patient.
Because one day the right person will come into your life and not look at you with eyes wishing to change. He or she will smile, will accept, will see the imperfections in you and laugh because they match his/her own.
This person won’t be perfect. They won’t be flawless and shiny and wonderful all the time. You’ll fall for them and still fight like siblings. You’ll trust them, and they’ll still fall short. You’ll agree for better or worse to love them, and then question those vows when everything crashes and burns.
But when you decide to love someone, you combine an unconscious desire with a conscious choice. You let your heart do the first movement, with your mind close behind. And you step towards that person, even when the road is challenging.
And they will do the same.
So if you’re in a place of self-doubt right now, wondering whether you’ll ever find someone who understands, who cares, who will show up and be willing to stay—close your eyes and trust.
We cannot always understand love, make sense of love, put a timeline on love, but when we feel it in our chests, we know. This person gets it; this person is mine.