Empowerment, Feminism
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Fighting Feelings Of Inadequacy

girl with blue hair standing in front of blue and white flowers, fighting feelings of inadequacy

Being a human is so damn hard. Honestly, I just want to take a moment to acknowledge that. In our daily lives, we just don’t give ourselves enough credit. Instead of relishing in our successes, we’re so quick to look for the next thing. Instead of being proud of all that we’ve accomplished, we’re turning our heads to see what the person next to us is doing, and measuring our pride in comparison. This go go go attitude can be motivating, but when we never take a breath to be satisfied, to be excited, this becomes unhealthy.

I’ve always been a big believer in self-sufficiency. My entire life has been built around the longing to be independent. I’ve written countless articles about being a ‘strong woman’ and what that means in today’s world; I’ve prided myself on being able to stand on my own feet. But if I’m being honest, sometimes this perspective can be damaging. When I get into the habit of doing everything alone, I push people away. Or when I’m so determined to be the best, I start looking at everyone else’s success and feel worthless in comparison.

I just want to take a moment to acknowledge that we all do this—the comparing game, the frustration, the feeling of unworthiness when we measure ourselves to the other people around us.

Sometimes it’s so easy to get wrapped up in the ‘poor me’ attitude, looking at someone else’s photos on Instagram and thinking, ‘wow, they have it so much better,’ or ‘damn, they have it all figured out and I don’t.’ But honestly, none of that is really true.

We’re all in different places, on different paths. We’re all starting from somewhere, and half the time the people we compare ourselves to aren’t even on our same playing field.

But when we focus our attention on what we don’t have instead of what we do we put ourselves in this place of inadequacy and defeat. We’re setting ourselves up for failure before we even begin because we don’t have the mindset of positivity and success.

And really, that’s where everything starts—the belief that we can.

Totally transparent: This morning I woke up and didn’t want to write. I did everything in my power to procrastinate for as long as I could, from attempting to crimp my hair, to walking to the corner grocery store, to cooking some sweet potato hash (which, okay, was actually pretty bomb) to finally facing the music. I didn’t want to write because for the past few days I’ve been defeating myself. I’ve been comparing, stressing, and feeling like I’m walking in circles. Honestly, I know it’s because a) I’m super busy, b) might be getting a cold, and c) building a company is freaking hard. I know I need to be patient, but I haven’t always been good at that. (Anyone else?!)

But Friday night I was reminded in watching the new movie, I Feel Pretty, that the only things that can limit us our ourselves and our personal beliefs. And so I’m writing this to you from a place of vulnerability and openness. I’m writing this because I want you to know whatever inadequacy you’re feeling or facing are largely in your mind, and when you choose to combat them—for yourself and not anyone else—you will win.

The truth is, we all face insecurities, fears, and self-doubts. Even the most ‘together’ of us, or the ‘best’ of us don’t have it all figured out. So know that your feelings are valid, and that others feel them, too. And know that every day you keep going, keep trying, keep building—you are succeeding.

Your version of success might look different than the person next to you, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t getting there.

When you start to feel doubtful, hesitant, or insecure, remember that there is only one you. Remember what makes you unique, passionate, and proud, and focus on those things. Remember that you were set onto this earth for a specific reason, and every day that you continue, you’re getting closer to either discovering that reason, or to blessing the earth with what you have to offer.

And remember, most of all, that the only real competition, only real person you are fighting against is yourself—push yourself to be better than you were yesterday. Continue, and rise above.

Featured Image Credit:Alex Iby[

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Marisa Donnelly, M.Ed., is a writer/editor, credentialed teacher, proud bonus mama, and CEO of Be A Light Collective, a coaching and content creation business and digital marketplace. She is the Director of Donnelly’s Daily Apple, a flexible learning/tutoring and educational resource platform, and the lead voice for Momish Moments and Step by Step Parents, verticals dedicated to sharing and advocating for non-traditional parenting journeys. Marisa currently resides in San Diego, California, with her fiancé, kiddo, and their two rambunctious Pitbulls. ❤️

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